I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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