the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
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