Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
