Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I looked at my own cervix.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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