I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
