lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
