Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
