We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize