The maid of honor just puked.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
