how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize