Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
