i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
