so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
