i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize