yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
