He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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