i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
