Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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