i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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