so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
