Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
