How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
