If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
