The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
