Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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