There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Dick very happy bro
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
