it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
