btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Someone signed my nipple.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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