Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I want a musical about memes.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
