Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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