If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I will pee on everything he values.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
