i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
