I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
