Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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