i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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