You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Randomize
