thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
