Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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