Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
