I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
false alarm, still single
Randomize
