I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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