I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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