Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
