don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
