Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Every concussion has its silver lining
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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