ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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