Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
