I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
