Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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