Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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