I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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