he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Randomize
