My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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