It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Say something about gay babies.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
