I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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