I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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