Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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