I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
