covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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