I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
