He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
