My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
