He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
