I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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