"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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