are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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