I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
