he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
