Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I stole a fireplace last night.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize