i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
