If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Floor bacon is actually really good
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
