So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
