I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
