I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
