someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
