a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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