I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
