I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
